Lipoedema Ladies

Radical acceptance can be defined as “Letting go of fighting reality.
Accepting your situation for what it is.” A Zen version is simply, “it is what it is.”

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Perfect idealized images of women barrage us through the media. Slim, tall, flawless creatures of desire that appear with a sense of glamor are used again and again to objectify someone else’s image of reality. It certainly wasn’t my image of my reality. When I looked (notice past tense) into the mirror, that’s not at all what I saw or experienced. My inner criticism only exemplified an inner dialogue of comparison and deficiency that became a constant companion for me on my life journey.

After almost 40 years of struggling with weight and dieting, I successfully shed and maintained a weight loss of 140 pounds (10 stone) beginning at 320 pounds (23 stone). I maintained that weight loss for almost 20 years until I hit peri-menopause. This was with the support of regular attendance at self-help groups, a strong like-minded community, and a structured very low carbohydrate food plan of weighing and measuring 3 meals a day with no sugar, flour, grains or high starch veggies and nothing in between meals except water, diet soda and tea.

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Yes, I carried a scale with me, and weighed and measured all meals no matter the situation. I was still considered overweight by most charts, my thighs and upper arms were disproportionate to the rest of me, but I was content with my size 14s and occasional 12s. And then peri-menopause hit, and I blew up seemingly overnight. Though it happened over some time, I regained 25 pounds (2 stone) over a few years while maintaining the same very clean food plan.

Physical issues, a rampant cysts condition that literally erupted in tender areas of my body, and 5 surgeries later, I ended up with significant problems. Surgery done on my thighs resulted in continual uncontrollable swelling. It was during physical therapy with a lymphedema therapist that we realized that I have lipoedema. That was less than 2 months ago.

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I walked around for weeks as if in a state of disbelief, a mantra of sorts singing in my head, “You mean it’s not my fault!” repeated again and again. All the years of trying so hard, the self-judgment, the guilt, shame and utter sense of powerlessness and deficiency, the last vestiges of that critical and relentless measuring stick as to how I fared in the world, well, day-by-day, moment-by-moment, began to dissolve. Though Self-Acceptance is a process I have been engaged in for a lifetime, this single event had radical impact.

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Beginning to understand the implications of lipoedema, finding a community of like-minded women, taking the actions I can take, have all liberated a decision to affect my own life. I began an exercise program 10 months ago, and feel more physically fit than I can ever recall. I’m walking in my 2nd 5K walkathon on this Sunday, September 23. I have embraced yoga, pilates, walking regularly, water aerobics, and even tried kick-boxing. Not what I imagined for my 60s, I am grateful and look forward every day to my exercise time. I am coming to know, accept, and befriend my body. I am listening to its wisdom and as I am able to do that, my body is responding and healing. I am healing.

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My Primary Care Physician (PCP) and my surgeon are both very good doctors, caring and competent. They didn’t know about lipoedema. Many doctors I saw seeking answers, they didn’t know about lipoedema. Specialists and endocrinologists, they didn’t know about lipoedema.

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So now I know about lipoedema. And my initial attempt to explain and share the information with my PCP so he could partner with me in my treatment turned into www.lipedema-simplified.org. And now I hope others will learn about lipoedema. There are still so many women who don’t have the information that can help them. While this is only a beginning, it’s a step. Thank you Lipoedema Ladies. We are stronger together than we can be alone. This is radical acceptance. This is moving forward with compassion and kindness, strong and ready.

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This is the gift of lipoedema.